Heart Hurts

'You have kept count of my tossings;^[c]
     put my tears in your bottle.
     Are they not in your book?'


Oh God, I cling with feeble fingers to the ledge of your great grace






Matthew brought Princess Petunia back from her visit a little after 7. She was her same old Princess Petunia self most of the night. She shared her stash of snack that mom had sent back with her, ran & played with Rach for a little bit before family worship time. *side note* She's memorized the 1st two verses of Psalm 1! Bedtime routine went fine as usual. 


Then a few minutes after the girls had been in bed, Princess Petunia came into the den asking if she could call mom, which is a big DHR no-no. Matthew had told us that there is to be no contact except for the scheduled visits. Mom knows this and sent her phone number home with Princess Petunia anyway. We told her that we couldn't do that. Princess Petunia took that news well and went back to bed. A few minutes later, we heard her crying. We went in and prayed with her. Then I brought her into the den and we rocked and read Biscuit for a little while. She went to sleep fine after that. 


I understand the necessity of visits with mom for both mom & Princess Petunia. It's reassuring for both of them, and hopefully it's motivating for mom to follow through with the plan she has been given. There's still a part of me that wishes that we didn't have to have them. It was just so sad to see Princess Petunia's little heart hurting and not be able to just fix it. The pain in her little life is so very beyond any of our ability to heal. Only God can mend her little heart and turn what she's been through into something beautiful. I was praying this morning just about all of this, and God showed me that not only is that true for Princess Petunia, but it's true for every one of us as well. 


In and of ourselves, we can do absolutely nothing. Nothing. He is our life. 'In Him we live and move and have our being.'