Preaching to myself....

^'12 I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, ¹³ and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man,^[d] dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. ¹⁴ The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire.¹⁵ His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. ¹⁶ In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.

¹⁷ When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. ¹⁸ I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.'

Today was one of those days when I absolutely can not wait for Princess Petunia's school to start. Her first day is August 20th. Just one more week, but at this moment, it seems like forever. Today was a day when she just seemed to push every single one of my buttons. Being that today was also a Sunday when we spent several hours at Brook Hills, I couldn't shut myself in the closet and scream into a pillow as often as I would have liked. (Love to my new friend, Catie!) I did finally walk away from a load of laundry and put myself in timeout when PP hit and kicked the floor after losing a game of UNO. She was doing so in "fun" and not out of temper, but still, Jojo was asleep and as I said earlier, today was one of those days. 

These kind of days can be really discouraging. 

I keep trying to put things in perspective. I remember how I felt with each pregnancy, how excited I was about the new little life that God was bringing into our family. I had these beautiful, Hallmark pictures in my mind of how things were going to go with the new baby. I'd think about how cuddly and sweet the child would be, and how there'd be nothing but love and smiles all the time. Any tears would only be an overflow of happiness. And then reality showed up and blew away my perfect plans. The baby wouldn't nap, or the baby would poop all over me or the baby would scream for an hour for no apparent reason. On those days, it's pretty difficult to be happy about having a baby. 

Having a foster child is very much the same. Of course, I didn't give birth to Princess Petunia, but God did place her in our family. I had much the same beautiful, Hallmark pictures in my mind of how life would be with her here. I'd think about how we all would spend every minute of every day loving each other and smiling and being thankful for this opportunity. Oh I might have given lip service to the fact that we'd have some rough days. But really, if I'm going to be really honest, I mostly thought only of the good. Then we have days like these when PP just will not stop picking on Noah or PP 'forgets' to not pick Jojo up when he's happily playing or PP has her default settings set on loud and obnoxiously silly. On these kind of days, it's tough to be happy about having a foster child. 

But it's funny, even on these kind of days, just as with all of those difficult baby days,  I can sincerely say that I love having Princess Petunia in our family. Only God can grant that kind of grace. He's the one leading and sustaining me through this difficult day, and 'He is good and does good.' He is in the midst of our little family, and He is holding our family in his hand. He is so much bigger than this light and momentary trial, and He is working it all together for our good and His glory. I may not feel this right now, but I know it.