When beyond our understanding, you're teaching us to trust.'
I was really struggling this morning during worship with trust. Jared and I have had an opportunity, that we were not searching out, seemingly fall into our laps. After some initial hesitation, we've embraced this with all (okay, most) of our hearts. And yet, I'm scared to death that something will fall through, that this incredible gift that seems to be being handed to us will at the last moment be taken away. Theres a part of me that wants to hold back most of my heart until I know for absolute certain that this thing I want so badly will indeed be mine. I was having a very frank conversation with God in my head about this when the worship leader began his next song....
'trust you Jesus, trust you Jesus, trust you Jesus with my life'
The chorus was just that phrase over and over again.
I wish I could say that that song was all it took for me to stop worrying completely, that at that moment, I was filled with joy over the prospect of our uncertain next several months. I'm so not that girl. I'm more the 'here's what's going to happen and when it's going to happen' type. All this up-in-the-air business makes my mind spin out of control. After all, what exactly I am supposed to bank on when I don't know what's out there? How can I prepare my heart and mind when i don't know what's coming down the pipe? How can I possibly know what to do when so many things are out of my control?
'trust you Jesus, trust you Jesus, trust you Jesus with my life'
I'm intentionally being vague about our opportunity for a number of reasons, but mainly because I know (or at least I hope) I'm not the only one who is facing this type of situation. When you think about it, our whole life is uncertain. Oh I think I know what my day is going to look like tomorrow, but I don't. I don't even know what my next 30 minutes is going to look like. BUT, I know who does.
'faithful forever, perfect in love. you are sovereign over us.'
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