A Sense of 'Normalcy'...finally

'for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace'

'I have a shelter in the storm

When constant winds would break me

For in my weakness, I have learned

Your strength will not forsake me

O Jesus, I will hide in You

The One who bears my burdens

With faithful hands that cannot fail

You’ll bring me home to heaven'

Wow. I had forgotten how difficult sleep-deprivation can be. Coffee is one of my absolute closest friends these days. Mini-man has finally learned the difference between day and night, waking just once to eat between 10 pm and 7 am. He went to the doctor today for his one month check up and weighed in at a whopping 6 lbs and 14 oz! He's gained over a pound and a half since he's been with us! We're seeing his sweet little eyes more and more each day, and he's becoming more and more aware of his surroundings. A friend said today that he has a very intense, studious expression, which I remember many people saying about Rach when she was an infant. SO precious! 

I was looking over my planner tonight and started to become overwhelmed by all the meetings with SWs and Dr appointments and sports practices and birthday parties, etc scheduled for the next week and a half. I thought, man, I'm going to look back on this period in our lives and wonder how in the world we did all of this. It is crazy how much can be packed into just a short amount of time. 

Only. By. His. Grace. In and of ourselves, we could not and would not be doing this. Going through this life on my own strength leaves me in the fetal position on the bathroom floor crying and screaming into a pillow. I had one of those moments just a couple of nights ago, and even in the midst of my railing at God and His plan, which right then was for Mini-Man to be crying for an entire hour in the middle of the night, even then God's grace was holding me fast. He keeps us from breaking. He keeps us from giving in to our frustration and anger when all that is in us wants to just quit. 

Earlier today, even while I was describing Mini-Man's situation to some of Jared's co-workers, God showed me that we are called to extend that same grace to Mini-man's mom. I'm still struggling mightily with that. I mean, seriously? Her foolish choices led him to this place, and she still is not cooperating with DHR, did not even show up for her visit this week. Mini-man is such a beautiful, precious little one, and she is wasting her opportunity to love on him, to cuddle with him during the night, to look into his big brown eyes while he takes his bottle.  How can I possibly show grace in the face of such utter and complete selfishness?

And the answer comes....because God has shown me grace in the face of my most heinous sin. This is not about me. This is about HIM. HIM!